Homecoming

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.   This hasn’t been the easiest summer, but with the start of a new school and Homecoming services at my church yesterday; I’ve decided that Saturday would be known as my “Homecoming Weigh In”.   This is essentially a fresh start.

As I’ve shared many, many times before I’ve had issues regarding my appearance.  I have always seen myself in a negative light.  This is mostly due to my “friends” Anxiety and Depression, both working together with my “old lover” Body Dysmorphic Disorder.   Perfect example would be that on Monday through Friday (work days), I’d be showered, shaved and dressed.  The same would apply if I was going out.  Why?  Dress codes.   Now the second I walked into the door of my house or apartment, the clothes came off and the sweats went on and never came off.   Also, Saturdays and Sundays are days where I refused to shave (unless I had to go out with friends or church or something of the sort).  Thus creating what I call my “schlubby look”.    I say all this to say that thanks to my “friends” and “old lover”, the Schlub is who I really thought I looked like

Now when I’ve weighed in the past, I’d be in my ratty t-shirt and sweatpants (mind you these were not heavy sweatpants).   In my defense, there was someone in my old Weight Watcher group who would weigh in in her slip, so let’s not pass judgement.  Over the past couple of months, I’ve grown in the sense that with the weight I’ve lost I feel a little better about myself and decided to make a little effort on myself.

Perhaps you’re asking yourself why (either that, or you are asking yourself why do I give a damn).  The answer is actually quite simple.   During a weight watchers meeting, a woman had talked about how getting dressed and putting on her makeup actually made her feel better each day.  As I listened to this woman, it hit me.   Why can’t I do the same thing for myself? Meaning getting dressed and feeling better, not the make up thing (don’t get smart-Alecky here).  So the following Saturday, I went to my weekly meeting in the usual t-shirt and sweats to weigh in.   In addition, I brought a bag with me to change into the nice jeans and my watch, rings and bracelets.   Honestly, it really did make me feel good.  As the summer went on, I would ditch the “schlubby” outfits for t-shirts and shorts and I would feel good about myself.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been dealing with a series of issues I won’t bore you with which caused a minor meltdown where I had to take some time to disappear for a minute.    When I hit these meltdowns, my rational mind that makes sure I’m on my game shut off and the anxiety and depression demons kicked in.   I say this to say that during this time, I lost focus.  Last week I decided this needed to end.

So when I weighed in, I decided that this is my fresh start.  I also decided that since this is a fresh start, when I weigh in and go to meetings I am actually going to make the effort and shave and get dressed.   This was the perfect time to do it.  Needless to say I gained, but I felt great and I looked damn good!

All the best my friends.  Till next time. 

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It’s Time To Stop Obsessing About That Number on that Stupid Scale

I’m going to share with you a split screen shot. Both were taken the same weekend one year apart. Can you tell a difference between the guy on the left and the guy on the right?

If you said there is a difference, you’re correct (for those of you who said no; I owe you a swift kick in the butt)! Now what if I were to tell you that I weight essentially the same?

Many of you would tell me I’m full of it. However, I actually checked my weight in my app and the numbers are the same. Yet the look is totally different. Why?

I have two theories on this. One is that I’m think I’m carrying the weight differently. When I say that, I’m saying that I’ve made some changes in my overall diet. I’ve done 2 cleanses and started a vitamin regimen.  
The other theory is the guy on the right carries himself differently. As many of you know, I’ve started making some changes in my life over the past year and I’ve become more confident in myself. I’m in my “I No Longer Give A [blank] Phase”. I’ve stopped worrying about everything and everyone else and decided that I am only accountable to two people, myself and God. I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks of me.  
My whole point is that we should NOT obsess about that scale. It’s how we feel that counts. Until next time my friends. Happy 4th of July! 🇺🇸

June Update

It’s been over a month since I last posted.   June has been quite a month.   It seems that I go up and down with the same 5 – 10 pounds on the damn scale.   Isn’t it funny that we only concentrate on that number on the scale and not on the other accomplishments.   

Prime example, I went clothes shopping a couple of weeks ago on my Friday off because I had to buy a new pair of jeans.  Well I’m a “relaxed fit” kind of guy.  I don’t like them looking too tight or too loose.   They have to be just right (like when Goldilocks ate the baby’s porridge and slept in the baby’s bed).   Well as my rotten luck would have it, they didn’t have relaxed fit so I had to go for straight fit. I also bought the next size down since the stores at the outlets were having sales (God forbid I miss out on an up to 60% off).   Well I get home try them on and initially I hated them since I feel they were too tight.   Well wouldn’t you know that as time went on, I grew to like them.   Not to be too full of myself, but I do look damn good in these jeans with my black boots (I don’t care if it’s June).

My point is that even though I’ve been flip flopping between the same 5 – 10 pounds, I’ve had so many other non-scale victories.  Our Weight Watchers leader proposed a challenge a few weeks ago that at the next meeting (which was two weeks ago) to not find out the number on the scale.  So I did that knowing that I gained, but I’m still in the smaller sizes.    To my surprise, it was a minimal gain and the lesson is that the number on the scale does not define us.

Now those of you who know me, know that I can’t take a compliment.    People will tell me that I look like half the person when they last saw me or I’m wasting away and I say “thank you, but…”. Over the past year, I’ve learned to just stop and say “thank you”.  However the “but” is still playing in my mind.   Especially when I look in that stupid mirror.   Those of us that struggle with weight issues or body image issues know what I’m talking about.   You could be at the goal weight you want to be at, but when looking at that dumb mirror you still see that fat person.  That sucks!  

It’s taking me some time (because I’m half Irish and half German so that means I’m 200% stubborn), but I’m starting to not obsess about that number on the scale or that image in the bathroom mirror.    I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I’m proud of what I have accomplished and what I will continue to accomplish.  

Incidentally I decided to post two pictures from last night.  

Til next time…


Falling Off the Wagon and Getting Back Up (and Falling Off Again and Getting Back Up Again) — The Vicious Cycle

So the past couple of weeks have been rough between a hectic work schedule and eating out most evenings have given me a swift kick in the butt of a reality check.  Also tack on the fact that there was NO prep whatsoever contributed to the sabotage.

The vicious cycle I see is that I will lose one week, gain another, lose the next, gain the next two and then I kick myself.   It’s just more evident that I need to work harder to reach my goals.  

Often times people will say “I don’t know how it happened”.  I know how this happened.  One, I didn’t prep my meals for the week because I had dinner plans every night last week.  Second, I didn’t grocery shop (part of food prep) so I came out of my routine.  Those of you who know me know that I am very regimented and if I’m not then it’s bad.  Third is virtually no activity either because of pain, rain or getting too wrapped up in work to take my breaks.  

This week I know what I have to do.  I’m getting back into my routine and hopefully I will have a better week. 

Until next time…take care and be well.  

Up 2.6 But Keeping Momentum

I’m a little bummed I went up.  Can’t say I’m surprised though.   There have been a lot of functions going on in the last few weeks.  Fortunately things are starting to calm down a little bit, I can concentrate on hitting my goals.  

It’s hard to keep momentum when you’re dealing with situations or having a busy life but it’s something I need to do.  As I said many times I’m feeling good wearing clothes I haven’t been able to wear in 3 years.  I want to keep that feeling and start shopping for smaller sizes.  This is how I want to keep my momentum going.  

Up 2.5 This Week But Massive Non-Scale Victory

As I figured I gained this week. Between the Easter holiday, battling a sinus infection and various events this week; it was no surprise. 

However last night, there was a massive non-scale victory.  I went to an event last night and wore a suit I have not been able to wear in OVER THREE YEARS!!  I can’t tell you how amazing this feels. This is streets ahead of what’s on that damn scale.  

Until next time..

 

Rough Week, Missed Meeting, Pressing On

As you all know, my beloved cat Holly passed away suddenly on Thursday.  This was incredibly painful, but I’m grateful that she died at home, she had no suffering and I didn’t have to make the dreaded decision any pet owner has to make.   I know she is at peace and she is on that cushy pet bed upstairs.  

That being said, I have to share a non scale victory that I didn’t stress eat.   Those of you that know me know that a situation like this would make me hook on the feedbag.  This time I didn’t.  What the hell would it have done?

I had to miss my meeting this week because my dreaded sinuses were awful and I ended up in bed all day.  Although I missed my meeting, I’ve decided to keep pressing on.  Mostly because I bought new clothes recently and I’d like to enjoy wearing them. It’s time to move forward not back so that’s my plan.  

Until next time…