I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. This hasn’t been the easiest summer, but with the start of a new school and Homecoming services at my church yesterday; I’ve decided that Saturday would be known as my “Homecoming Weigh In”. This is essentially a fresh start.
As I’ve shared many, many times before I’ve had issues regarding my appearance. I have always seen myself in a negative light. This is mostly due to my “friends” Anxiety and Depression, both working together with my “old lover” Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Perfect example would be that on Monday through Friday (work days), I’d be showered, shaved and dressed. The same would apply if I was going out. Why? Dress codes. Now the second I walked into the door of my house or apartment, the clothes came off and the sweats went on and never came off. Also, Saturdays and Sundays are days where I refused to shave (unless I had to go out with friends or church or something of the sort). Thus creating what I call my “schlubby look”. I say all this to say that thanks to my “friends” and “old lover”, the Schlub is who I really thought I looked like
Now when I’ve weighed in the past, I’d be in my ratty t-shirt and sweatpants (mind you these were not heavy sweatpants). In my defense, there was someone in my old Weight Watcher group who would weigh in in her slip, so let’s not pass judgement. Over the past couple of months, I’ve grown in the sense that with the weight I’ve lost I feel a little better about myself and decided to make a little effort on myself.
Perhaps you’re asking yourself why (either that, or you are asking yourself why do I give a damn). The answer is actually quite simple. During a weight watchers meeting, a woman had talked about how getting dressed and putting on her makeup actually made her feel better each day. As I listened to this woman, it hit me. Why can’t I do the same thing for myself? Meaning getting dressed and feeling better, not the make up thing (don’t get smart-Alecky here). So the following Saturday, I went to my weekly meeting in the usual t-shirt and sweats to weigh in. In addition, I brought a bag with me to change into the nice jeans and my watch, rings and bracelets. Honestly, it really did make me feel good. As the summer went on, I would ditch the “schlubby” outfits for t-shirts and shorts and I would feel good about myself.
Over the past few weeks I’ve been dealing with a series of issues I won’t bore you with which caused a minor meltdown where I had to take some time to disappear for a minute. When I hit these meltdowns, my rational mind that makes sure I’m on my game shut off and the anxiety and depression demons kicked in. I say this to say that during this time, I lost focus. Last week I decided this needed to end.
So when I weighed in, I decided that this is my fresh start. I also decided that since this is a fresh start, when I weigh in and go to meetings I am actually going to make the effort and shave and get dressed. This was the perfect time to do it. Needless to say I gained, but I felt great and I looked damn good!
All the best my friends. Till next time.